<<if $visited_dispenser is false>><<set $visited_dispenser = true>>I find some tokens under the [[machine|capsule dispenser]]. They're sticky, but that's okay.<<else>>Clear case full of plastic balls with toys inside them. <<if $tokens gt 1>>I have <<$tokens>> tokens.\n\n[[Insert token]]<<elseif $tokens is 1>>I have 1 token left.\n\n[[Insert token]]<<elseif $tokens lte 0>>I'm out of tokens.<<endif>>\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|arcade]]<<endif>>

The vending machine screen glows with a fem holding a cube of salt. Her eyes are staring into the distance, at a vision of palm trees and waves. Holographic lines slash her with electric blue.\n\n<<if $bought is false>>She contains:\n[[-honey mustard seaweed|snack]]\n[[-chocolate cream balls|snack]]\n[[-salt and vinegar chips|snack]]<<else>>Not hungry.<<endif>>\n\n[[Leave|hotel]]

I pull [[it]] out like a tissue.

I should eat. I feel nauseous when I don't take food first.\n\nMy eyes adjust to the world outside the tunnel. In the distance a [[mirage of food adverts|redirect][$dest = "4 hrs"]] rises through the fog.

I [[blink|capsule]] away the glowing fingerprints of sleep.<<loopsound "https://files.catbox.moe/rqmgyh.ogg">>

It feels\n\n[[sweet]]\n\n[[warm]]

[[Pop.|redirect][$dest = "2 hrs"]]<<playsound "https://files.catbox.moe/k2ure3.ogg">>

I step outside, into a slice of shadow between structures, and take out the [[change]].

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<<if $dest is "terminus" or $dest is "credits">><<timedgoto $dest 4.5s>><<else>><<timedgoto $dest 2.5s>><<endif>>\n\n<<if $dest is "credits" or $dest is "4 hrs" or $dest is "6 hrs">><<else>>\n<<fadeoutsound "https://files.catbox.moe/wxb888.ogg" >>\n<<fadeoutsound "https://files.catbox.moe/rqmgyh.ogg" >> \n<<fadeoutsound "https://files.catbox.moe/0ygf61.ogg" >>\n<<fadeoutsound "https://files.catbox.moe/wxb888.ogg" >>\n<<fadeoutsound "https://files.catbox.moe/wxb888.ogg" >> \n<<fadeoutsound "https://files.catbox.moe/wxb888.ogg" >> \n<<fadeoutsound "https://files.catbox.moe/edsjy8.ogg" >> \n<<endif>>

Splashing through the dark of a culvert. A soda cup drifts past.\n\n[[Smog and neon haze]] on the other side. The glow of places where people could be.

I insert my card and it drops to the floor of the machine. The thunk makes it taste better.<<set $bought = true>>\n\n[[Finish eating|hotel]]

They lead me into the [[water]], through a web of rippling caustics. My clothes are nowhere, I'm shrouded in vapor.

I look down and I'm standing in someone's head.\n\n[[Step back-]]

I feel something brighter than the signs. The jungle feels twisted around it, twisting around a [[hot radiant heart|pool]].

\n\n\n\n\nbody {\n\n\nbackground: black url(images/garage.jpg) no-repeat center center fixed; \n-webkit-background-size: cover;\n-moz-background-size: cover;\n-o-background-size: cover;\nbackground-size: cover;\n\n\n}\n\n\n\n

Their mask swoops down in front of me, hissing static. It gives me a headache.\n\n"Jwlain. Your pain can be over. Just tell me the code." They sound almost pleading, but it's hard to tell through the distortion.\n\n[["I accept challenges as a way to grow."|delete]]\n\n[["I have the right to be loved even if I make mistakes."|delete]]

Neon Haze

It's normal to have a running dialogue with those external entities even with medication. The important thing is understanding the difference between what I perceive and what is real. And I really do. I want to impress this on you because I know it's easy to stigmatize individuals such as [[myself|vial 3]].

[[Change|arcade]] for a zero dollar bill.

The black hole stares at me.\n\n[[Wait|wait_2]]

<<if $check is "advert">>The advert explodes in a spray of womanlight and seething logo-shards.<<stopallsound>><<playsound "https://files.catbox.moe/k2ure3.ogg">><<timedgoto "alley" 4s>><<endif>><<if $check is "diagnostic">>The pipes burst in a flash of light, thrashing from the rupture, spitting up blue fluid.<<stopallsound>><<playsound "https://files.catbox.moe/k2ure3.ogg">><<timedgoto "alley" 4s>><<endif>><<if $check is "shop">>Phone racks rustle like plants shaken by wind, a humming sound getting louder in my <<replace "periphery.">><<stopallsound>><<playsound "https://files.catbox.moe/k2ure3.ogg">>periphery. The window explodes, expanding shards reflecting the piercing light from their own demise.<<timedgoto "alley" 4s>><<endreplace>><<endif>>

The swooping ink of the graffiti wars with the prim technical lines of the map. Like a parallel city of shadows lurking behind the physical reality, a charting of leylines and fey tunnels.\n\n<<if $directions is false>>I trace my finger across the screen. Get my marker out. Write [[directions|station]] on my hand.<<set $directions = true>><<else>>I know where to [[go|station]].<<endif>>

Unit #127. I punch the code in again and the door slides [[open]].

[[0 hours ago]]

I'm lying on my back staring at the ceiling a few inches from my face.\n\nThe ceiling screen is <<if $channel gt 4>><<set $channel = 1>><<endif>><<if $channel is 1>>black<<elseif $channel is 2>>a memewave opera<<elseif $channel is 3>>an [[aspirations show]]<<elseif $channel is 4>>[[music]] on a softly changing gradient<<endif>>.\n\n[[Switch channel|capsule][$channel += 1]]\n\n[[Leave capsule|hotel]]

The sand is so warm around my feet. Almost [[hot]].

My hands plunge into heads, like the mud is full of phantoms. I feel their lives in my hands, squirming, months, years flowing through my fingers. I thrash back to [[shore]], each step filling someone's head with my light.

They slide to the ground gasping for [[air]]. The sound blends with the static.

I know what you did. Putting people in boxes, talking to them like that, acting like you know better than them, controlling them.\n\nI lashed out. Like an animal. I thrashed to get away. But I was <<if $violence neq 0>>[[never]]<<else>>[[never|redirect][$dest = "1 hr"]]<<endif>> like you.

The laptop flashes: //Please do not end the connection by unplugging the cable. If you want to end the connection, select the disconnect option.//\n\n[[I grip the cable tightly as they struggle|choke]]

One of them turns to me. [[Shining]]. Hand reaching [[toward me]].

And now I'm glowing.<<timedgoto "redirect" 5s>><<set $dest = "credits">>

<<set $channel = 1>>\n<<set $dest = "">>\n<<set $distance = 30>>\n<<set $location = "I'm behind a car.">>\n\n<<set $speak = 1>>\n<<set $move = 1>>\n<<set $look = 1>>\n\n<<set $tape = true>>\n\n<<set $code = 0>>\n<<set $frustration = 0>>\n\n<<set $way = 1>>\n\n<<set $tokens = 3>>

The glow is sheathed by a plastic shell spattered with tags.\n\nA row of chunky buttons lights up expectantly under a screen of scrolling datagraphics.\n\n[[Check weather]] | [[Check date|date]] | [[Check map]]<<set $fog = true>>\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|station]]

//Transitioning from anaerobic space to [[atmospheric envelope]].//\n\nIn the [[transit module]] dropping through the darkness toward a shining mega-structure. Against the void it looks like a stylized [[machine sun]].

And with this I returned, woeful, to myself.\n-Hadewijch<<timedgoto "redirect" 5s>><<set $dest = "begin">>

<<set $tokens -= 1>><<print either("A Purple","A Black","A Green","A Blue","A Pink","An Orange")>> <<print either("Dragon","Mecha","Bee","Frog","Slime","Glitter")>> <<print either("Jester","Squid","Angel","Witch","Knight","Princess")>> pops out. <<if $tokens is 2>>It feels good to [[pop]] it open.<<elseif $tokens is 1>>Haha. [[Cute|pop]].<<elseif $tokens is 0>>This one feels [[lucky|pop]].<<endif>>

A prescription vial.\n\n//[[JWLAIN SEWETA]]\n\nOVAL BEIGE TABLET\nENCILIX\nVSL SNDRM\nTAKE 1 TABLET BY MOUTH TWICE DAILY//

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\n\n\n\n\nbody {\n\n\nbackground: black url(images/capsule.jpg) no-repeat center center fixed; \n-webkit-background-size: cover;\n-moz-background-size: cover;\n-o-background-size: cover;\nbackground-size: cover;\n\n\n}\n\n\n\n

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I'm so tired. My ribs feel like they're going to tear through my torso.\n\n[[Run|running]]

One of those cheap little cuts from a liquor store case.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|on]]

Blood drips through my clenched teeth as I listen to the sound of their <<replace "footsteps.">>footsteps. They tower over me, mask shining with a radiance of dirty diamonds.\n\n[[Blink|redirect][$dest = "2 hrs"]]<<endreplace>>

Video mask. Popular a couple years ago as fashion. Later reclaimed as surveillance jamming. Maybe the other way around. I wasn't in circulation at the time.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|mask]]

<<display "ff_desc">>

I blame [[you]] for this, you know.

<<if $look is 1>>Clean corporate bathroom. Probably in a closed building where no one will interrupt.<<endif>><<if $look is 2>>A syringe on the floor next to the laptop.<<endif>><<if $look gt 2>>The laptop screen says ADELPHA.<<endif>>\n\n[[Blink|maskhead]]

I get up and they gasp for [[air]]. The sound blends with the static.

Something stirs inside. I put the tube on the floor and kneel down. I tilt it gently and [[something]] slides out.

<<set $hum += 1>><<if $hum gt 3>><<set $hum = 0>><<if $location is "I'm running.">><<playsound "https://files.catbox.moe/k2ure3.ogg">>The air pops and I hit the ground [[hard]]. Chunks of blue glass dig into my back. The smell of burning cars.<<endif>><<if $location is "I'm behind a car." or $location is "I'm behind a burning wreck.">><<set $hiding += 1>><<if $hiding lt 7>><<if $location is "I'm behind a car.">><<print either("Glass shatters.","Glass rains down.","The car explodes, knocking me down.")>> <<print either("Alarms shriek throughout the garage.","Scraps of metal clatter across the asphalt.","Fumes choke the air.")>><<set $camper = true>><<set $location = "I'm behind a burning wreck.">>\n\n[[Flinch|Listen]]<<playsound "https://files.catbox.moe/k2ure3.ogg">><<playsound "https://files.catbox.moe/k2ure3.ogg">><<elseif $location is "I'm behind a burning wreck.">><<print either("White hot scrap skids across the asphalt.","A car door spins off, slamming into a pillar.","The windshield explodes in a snow of glass.")>> <<print either("The fumes are suffocating.","The walls of the garage ripple with flamelight.","Alarms are deafening.")>><<set $camper = true>><<set $location = "I'm behind a burning wreck.">>\n\n[[Flinch|Listen]]<<playsound "https://files.catbox.moe/k2ure3.ogg">><<endif>><<else>><<playsound "https://files.catbox.moe/k2ure3.ogg">>The air pops and I hit the ground [[hard]]. Chunks of blue glass dig into my back. The smell of burning cars.<<endif>><<endif>>\n\n<<else>>The hum is <<if $hum lte 1>>beginning<<elseif $hum is 2>>swelling<<elseif $hum is 3>>about to pop<<else>>saturated<<endif>>.\n\n<<print $location>> The exit ramp is about <<$distance>> cars away.\n\n<<if $camper is true>>[[Hide behind wreck|Listen][$location = "I'm behind a burning wreck.";]]<<else>>[[Hide behind car|Listen][$location = "I'm behind a car.";]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $distance lte 3>>[[Sprint up the ramp]]<<else>>[[Head for exit ramp|Listen][$camper = false;$location = "I'm running.";$distance -= 3;]]<<endif>><<endif>>

I crawl through the jungle, navigating by neon embers.\n\nSometimes the ground is hard and smooth like plastic, or rubbery with cables. I think I can hear waves crashing on a beach, or maybe wind forming an auditory [[horizon]].

I step back into the [[darkness]], eyes on them. Their hands stay outstretched, like statues of pure light.<<fadeoutsound "https://files.catbox.moe/sjp8lg.ogg">>

Singing. Somewhere [[beyond]] the palms.<<loopsound "https://files.catbox.moe/sjp8lg.ogg">>

What people didn't want to admit was that I only "became" "violent" when I was most normal. They punished me for being like //them//. For daring to do what they did all the time.\n\nIt wasn't the disorder. That was when I was checked out, confused, disoriented. Helpless.\n\nIt was about the [[world]].

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When you're stuck inside your head you get places fast.\n\nI'm outside the storage warehouse. No one is on duty but I can check myself in with the code.\n\n[[Check wrist|worn]]

[[4 hours ago|eat]]

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A laptop with a cable coiled next to it.\n\nSomething [[rustles|maskhead]].

I leave them on the floor, with the air still running through their throat.\n\nHand in my head like a [[brand|redirect][$dest = "1 hr"]].

Their mask breaks with a sound like an old computer shutting off. They come away from the wall with a big goopy strand of bloody snot speckled with black shards. It whips back and forth for an impossibly fragile second, then snaps.\n\n[[Lean down|windpipe]]

I head to the exit and <<replace "insert my card in the slot.">>insert my card in the slot. A smiley face flashes and the card gets sucked into the wall.\n\nA transit module hovers in the airless dark on the other side of this wall, waiting to take the next passenger. Safety lights throb pink as the docking sphincter <<replace "depressurizes.">>depressurizes.\n\nMy wrist [[itches|wrist]].<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

Plunging into the pool feels like piercing through some kind of membrane - blood, sweat, grease, fuel stains washed away, eyes shut, jaw hanging open, [[melting bliss]], water flowing over my bruises and torn fingertips and aching eardrums and scraped skin...

BBQ bacon burger, salty waffle fries and ketchup. Hands gleaming with salt and grease. Lean back into the seat with post-coital revery.\n\n[[Exit]]

Someone in dark clothes and a <<replace "mask of static.">>mask of static.\n\nThey stand perfectly <<replace "still.">>still.\n\n[[Run|redirect][$dest = "3 hrs"]]<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

I kneel and their hand touches my head. But this time it doesn't pass through. It stays there, [[warm and throbbing]] against my skin.

The haze seems suddenly lifted, or acting as a magnifier, everything is too bright, the light is like a strip of metal laid horizontally across my eyes.\n\n[[I turn around|Turn around]]

In a dim restroom that smells like cleaning chemicals. I'm dangling off one of those plastic changing tables that slides out of the wall, twitching and paralyzed.\n\nA [[screen]] is glowing on the floor.<<fadeinsound "https://files.catbox.moe/wxb888.ogg">>

Coins like discs of congealed shadow. I <<replace "feed them into the air.">>feed them into the air.\n\nThe air [[welcomes me|redirect][$dest = "terminus"]].<<endreplace>>

Not caring what happened to my body was my defense. Not having anything to defend was my defense. It kind of breaks your heart to lose every time you fight back.\n\nBut I've really been starting to [[care|side effect]].

A [[cup of soda]]. A [[switchblade]]. A plastic tube <<if $tape is true>>sealed in [[green tape]]<<else>>trailing broken green tape<<endif>>.\n\n<<if $tape is false>>[[Open tube]]<<endif>>

[[1 hour ago|hum]]

Neon Haze by [[Porpentine|http://aliendovecote.com/]]\n\nMusic and background art by [[Neotenomie|http://www.neotenomie.org/]]\n\n[APPLAUSE IMAGE HERE]

She got a next gen port-piercing that wasn't [[backwards compatible|turn]]. We kind of drifted apart.

Maskhead turns the screen toward me and shows me my mind unfolding in wireframe nodes. It looks so delicate, like a flower.\n\n"What's the code?" Their voice is crunchy, filtered.\n\n[[I feel deeply, regretfully compelled not to say anything]]

[[2 hours ago]]

I'm tired, I feel like a tired gecko. I curl up in a cluster of cables, under the secondhand radiance of a neon sign, pink rivulets spilling from the [[canopy]].

Porpentine Charity Heartscape & Brenda Neotenomie

In the dark, I am [[formless]]. The opposite of their perfect delineation and brightness.

The lid pops off, revealing a dark hole.\n\n[[Wait]]

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The cable tightens against something hard in their [[neck]]. They groan through the mask like a buffering organ.

\n\n\n\n\nbody {\n\n\nbackground: black url(images/transit.jpg) no-repeat center center fixed; \n-webkit-background-size: cover;\n-moz-background-size: cover;\n-o-background-size: cover;\nbackground-size: cover;\n\n\n}\n\n\n\n

Candy glaze haze on everything like sugar just below the vein of the word. Aftertaste that builds. Sensation triggers [[cascade]]. Sugar echo. Clouds of cotton candy swirl in the sky.

I can feel their radiant arms floating above me like seaweed, hands drifting through my [[head]].<<fadeinsound "https://files.catbox.moe/0ygf61.ogg">>

<<if $tokens is 2>>I place it on top of the dispenser. I hope some kid finds it. Or anyone who wants it. When do you stop being a kid? Is adulthood an arbitrary time by which you're supposed to have learned to conceal your [[brain damage|capsule dispenser]]?<<elseif $tokens is 1>>I place it next to its [[friend|capsule dispenser]].<<elseif $tokens is 0>>Three capsules with little pals inside. I hope no one throws them [[away|capsule dispenser]].<<endif>>

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[[And with this I returned, woeful, to myself.]]

I slip and [[fall]]. Water floods my nostrils like the sweat of stars.

The pressurized door slides open, warmth fading for cool wet air tinged with ozone.\n\nTheir hand is in my brain, tracing my lobes like a finger singing along the rim of a wine glass, almost louder than the itching on my [[wrist|Check wrist]].

Maskhead is on the laptop again. The tines are splitting into finer hairs. I can tell they're looking for good memories like trying to find a vein for a needle in a blown out arm.\n\n[[Lash out]]

I really want to drill a hole in their mask. Not even for vengeful purposes, just because it seems so physically satisfying. It's so smooth and impenetrable and opaque. I want to crack it like a nut. This isn't personal.\n\n[[Blink|delete]]

A prescription vial.\n\n//JWLAIN SEWETA\n\nOVAL BEIGE TABLET\nENCILIX\n[[VSL SNDRM]]\nTAKE 1 TABLET BY MOUTH TWICE DAILY//

//JWLAIN SEWETA\n\nOVAL BEIGE TABLET\nENCILIX\nVSL SNDRM\n[[TAKE 1 TABLET BY MOUTH]] TWICE DAILY//

I stoop inside the dark box. A tiny bulb flicks [[on]].

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I catch glimpses of text hovering next to each tine - I think they're tagging by good memories. Joke's on [[them|swoop]].

Wireframe fracture [[disintegrating|swoop]] into a particle cloud. I think I've seen that animation in a news logo or something, but it faded in, not out. The software designers must have reversed it.

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[[Arcade cabinets]], a [[capsule dispenser]], a [[change machine]].\n\n<<if $change is true>>Take my change and [[go]].<<endif>>

A concrete canyon curves out of the garage, sloping up into the fog. Warm draft hits my face.\n\n[[Run|tired]]

My wrist says 3, 7, 0, something, 3.\n\n370_3.\n\n<<textinput $code "enter code">>

I'm in the station, <<if $fog is false>>transit module disappearing into the fog<<else>>surrounded by fog and metal columns<<endif>>. An [[information kiosk]] shines like a blue glowstick.\n\n<<if $directions is true>>[[Go down the stairs]]<<endif>><<fadeinsound "https://files.catbox.moe/edsjy8.ogg">>

Dissociationwave.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|capsule]]

Glowing things lean by the pool, dipping their arms in the water.\n\n[[Come closer]]

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//She knocked the remains of her burger from the table in a spatter of orange sauce. A worker picks it off the floor and doesn't even look at us. The muzak [[plays on|disappear]].//

Neon haze sharpens into hot pink tubing. Signs wavering on the [[edge]] of comprehensibility, abstract logos that suggest a hundred ones I've seen before, but never quite the same, words that feel like language but squiggle out of comprehension.

Glowing fingers stick through my eyes like a <<replace "victory sign.">>victory sign.\n\nThrough the radiance I see an [[arcade]], just across the street.<<endreplace>>

Their arms surround me, gently guiding me back into the water. Where it's warm and [[painless]].

Hunched under the thrumming leaking evaporation cooler. My hand comes away wet and black from the puddle. I wipe it on my pants.\n\nSounds are coming from my mouth and I don't know what they [[mean|glowing]].<<fadeinsound "https://files.catbox.moe/wxb888.ogg">>

I'm in a capsule hotel drifting through the void. Stale recycled air. Tired, bored humans in hundreds of glowing or dimmed cavities. A plastic beehive. \n\n[[Enter capsule|capsule]]\n\n[[Vending machine]]\n\n[[Check out]]

I held my wrist up to a\n\n[[Glowing shop window|check][$check = "shop";]]\n\n[[Holo-advert's shifting radiance|check][$check = "advert";]]\n\n[[Diagnostic light blinking from a module|check][$check = "diagnostic";]]

<<if $code is "37093">>I'm [[in]].<<else>><<set $frustration += 1>><<if $frustration lt 3>>The code box buzzes and the rubbery little buttons blink red.\n\n[[Think|read it]]<<else>>It hurts to forget, doesn't it? Temporal dysphoria.\n\nI try every possible combination until it [[goes through|in]].<<endif>><<endif>>

[[5 hours ago|station]]

I wrote it down so I don't forget. I never got any better at remembering but I did get better at remembering that I forget. That's what I tell people and I'm sure they enjoy it.\n\nToo dark to read.\n\n[[Find some light]]

One side effect of Encilix is everything else works less. You get drunk less, high less, aspirin doesn't do shit, they have to double or triple dose anything else they put you on.\n\nI don't feel as [[paralyzed]] anymore.

My [[hand]] is on their windpipe. Their dead screen stares up at me, blood welling through the cracks.

Interminable rows of [[fast food|ff]] modules span off into the haze. Need to refuel the vessel, [[hahah]].\n\n[[Pizza|fast food][$dest = "Pizza"]]\n\n[[Burgers|fast food][$dest = "Burgers"]]\n\n[[Fried chicken|fast food][$dest = "Fried chicken"]]

Black palm trees wave softly against [[neon haze]]. Warm condensation falls on my face.\n

Columns of crunchy skin, honey biscuits, slaw. Hands gleaming with salt and grease. Lean back into the seat with post-coital revery.\n\n[[Exit]]

The ground ends. Looking down into a neon chasm. Can't tell if the bottom of the chasm is street, canal, endless fog. My head [[hurts]].

I can't tell the difference between our breathing anymore.\n\n[[Run|run_3]]

Blurry lo-poly beaches randomly generated and wandered by bikini mannequins. The low quality makes it look like they're drifting through a purple sandstorm.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|capsule]]

When the next ship comes in there will be many people - miners, mechanics, transients. I will be [[gone|eat]] by then.

Marker almost worn away. Eroded black smudges. I [[read it]] in the reflection of a reflection of a neon sign.

<<display "normal">>

[[Clinictalk.|gone]]

I don't know what "time" it is. I think give or take a few hours, it's time for a [[dose]].

Vessel Syndrome. I spent a long time believing I was hollow and could contain only other minds or presences.\n\nIt was hard to live, they told me, when a person thinks this is happening to someone else, or my body doesn't belong to me anyways so it [[doesn't matter]].

Condensation drips from a storm of pipes, vents, and coolers, filtered through hundreds of levels until it rains black and chemical. Air conditioners cover the walls like muzzled sawblades.\n\nCut through an alley and skid down the side of a [[drainage channel]].

[[Maskhead]] moves the screen closer so I can read it better. They start deleting parts of my schema for resisting despair. The port-piercing [[itches]].

Anyways, I place my [[order|$dest]].

Her face <<replace "stares back">>stares back from a <<replace "zero dollar bill">>zero dollar bill, [[fresh and wet|redirect][$dest = "0 hrs"]].<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

[[Someone]] is across the street.

They pull my right sleeve up and slide the gold cable tip inside my old [[port-piercing]]. Dormant neuroves light up.

A pupa.\n\n[[Take the switchblade]]

I cry because I can't hear their song anymore.<<timedgoto "redirect" 5s>><<set $dest = "credits">>

Walking through a tomb of catwalks and corrugated [[doors]]. Musty dry smell. This is a place where objects live, not people.

<<if $check is "advert">>An ethereal woman grips a can of soda as it eternally overflows her fingers like ocean foam. Her light [[illuminates|...]] the numbers on my wrist...<<endif>><<if $check is "diagnostic">>The light blinks green next to a softly gurgling tangle of coolant pipes, [[illuminates|...]] the numbers on my wrist...<<endif>><<if $check is "shop">>Magenta glow of backlit panels behind rows of blister-packed phones and glittering cases. The light [[illuminates|...]] the numbers on my wrist...<<endif>>

Intrusive thoughts. Memories. Memories of intrusive thoughts. Hallucinations of intrusive thoughts of memories of hallucination. Doesn't matter. I am different now. I do not act on my thoughts unless I want to see them as part of my [[future]].

Pepperoni mini-pizza, jalapeno poppers. Hands gleaming with salt and grease. Lean back into the seat with post-coital revery.\n\n[[Exit]]

//I know they're staring at me. I imagine being like them, sitting with friends, and [[nothing bad happening|disappear]]. I want to be the one who holds the soda cup and looks outward at others.//

Running through the parking garage, feet echoing in the dead air and buzz of electric wiring.\n\n[[I look over my shoulder|mask]]<<fadeinsound "https://files.catbox.moe/wxb888.ogg">>

[[7 hours ago|sleep]]

<<timedgoto "credits" 3s>>

Pause at the edge of the tunnel. Something I have to take care of first.\n\nI rummage inside my <<replace "satchel,">>satchel, past the <<replace "marker,">>marker, the <<replace "spiro,">>spiro, the <<replace "estradiol,">>estradiol, [[the]]<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

Like a prolapsed mall blossoming with neon forest.\n\nThe whisper of recycled air puts me to [[sleep|redirect][$dest = "5 hrs"]].

It was times like these that the spirit filled me. "Slurring" and "incoherent". Clinic words. I forget what I called it when I was a kid. Something nicer and brighter. I lost all the words I used before this massive //project// of the system knowing who I was and attaching words to me and each word carrying years with it.\n\nI dream of clouds frying and servers crashing and paper burning and language being undone until I can just be a [[nameless animal]].

I flick it open and make a tiny incision. It needs a little help.\n\nThe pupa splits [[open|dollar]].

Once the module docks it will be reassigned automatically and become a bizmod or rezmod or parkmod. The next rezmod with an eviction will probably be the next transmod. Like how cups get washed and hold different fluids.\n\nIf you look closely at the wall you can see traces that cleaning didn't totally wash away - grease stains, dents, initials. Proof that other humans exist, like we're tapping through the walls to prisoners who haven't been born yet.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|drop]]

Everything is glowing and saturated and bright. Grit in the lens.\n\nSweat and tears irritate my face. Laughing and muttering on the [[second track]].

They are more than pure light. I can see that now. They are made of colors. Of the nebula.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|Come closer]]

They hate when you make "jokes" like that in the clinic.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|eat]]

<<set $maskhead += 1>><<if $maskhead gt 6>>Maskhead is [[staring|hook up]] at me.<<else>><<if $maskhead is 1>>Maskhead is going through my satchel.<<endif>><<if $maskhead is 2>>Maskhead is looking at the front and back of my crumpled receipts and tickets and throwing them away.<<endif>><<if $maskhead is 3>>Maskhead found my pills.<<endif>><<if $maskhead is 4>>Maskhead is flushing my pills down the toilet.<<endif>><<if $maskhead is 5>>Maskhead is checking the laptop screen.<<endif>><<if $maskhead is 6>>Maskhead is picking up a cable.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $move is 1>>I'm on the changing table.<<endif>><<if $move is 2>><<set $fall += 1>><<if $fall is 1>>I hit the floor hard.<<else>>I'm on the floor.<<endif>><<endif>><<if $move gt 2>>I twitch helplessly.<<endif>> <<if $speak is 1>>I'm moving my lips but nothing is coming out.<<endif>><<if $speak is 2>>I'm telling them to eat my fucking shit.<<endif>><<if $speak gt 2>>Bile drips down the side of my face.<<endif>>\n\n<<if $move gt 2>>Muscles ache.<<else>>[[I try to move|maskhead][$move += 1]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $speak gt 2>>Throat is raw.<<else>>[[I try to speak|maskhead][$speak += 1]]<<endif>>\n\n<<if $look gt 2>>My neck hurts.<<else>>[[I look around][$look += 1]]<<endif>><<endif>>

<<if $way gt 2>><<set $way = 1>><<endif>><<if $way is 1>>//Me and my friends, in a fast food place, a little nicer than this one, in a shopping plaza with an LED fountain. Someone is getting in a fight outside, and we're watching the bodies tangle and collide, sound muffled through the glass.\n\nMy soda cup has pink and green zaggy lines. I suck the sweet black liquid down. It dribbles down my face.//<<set $reality = 1>><<else>>//I'm getting in a fight outside, I don't remember how it happened, but it must have been my fault. I think this person heard me muttering, heard the fingers in my mouth, and it made them angry.\n\nI'm putting up my hands. Through the x of my crossed arms I see people staring through the window of a fast food restaurant, their faces mingling with the reflection of an LED fountain spraying pink and green. Their faces look bored.//<<set $reality = 2>><<endif>>\n\n[[Or was it the other way around...|every kind][$way += 1;$disappearance += 1]]\n\n[[It happened like that]]

Catch them in the ribs, perfect altitude from the changing table. They tumble back into the dimness of the rest room, arms thrown up, like a monster leaping from the dark in reverse.\n\n[[I slam them headfirst into the wall]]\n\n[[I rip the cord out and wrap it around their neck]]

<<display "normal">>

Radiant panels display combos and value options. Everything is sealed under plastic: bulletproof window, plastic over the menu, vented plastic shell over the airducts - everything encased and bubbled for minimal clean-up, of [[every kind]] imaginable.

<<if $change is false>>I straighten out the zero dollar bill and feed it into the slot.\n\n[[Change]] spills into my hands.<<set $change = true>><<else>>The change hums in my pocket.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|arcade]]<<endif>>

<<display "7 hrs">>

Fighting games play themselves forever.\n\nI used to imagine that all the stages were connected and if you zoomed out it was like an antfarm, this weird hive of sidescrolling brutality that somehow amounted to a sustainable ecosystem or living body, precise sequences of punches and kicks and specials as intricate and necessary as DNA, spilling over into helixes of high scores. AGA. FUK. AGU. ASS.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|arcade]]

Sweet brown crust sticks to the underside of the plastic lid.\n\nSuper-disposable mass-produced husk meant to be sucked dry and tossed. I put it down on the floor and forgot about it and POP. Suspended. A fleck of stray debris caught in tar. Like me. A soda cup that won't go away.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|on]]

[[3 hours ago]]

I plunge my aching hands into the water. If you don't look too hard, all you see is [[brightness]].

Oxygen generators breathe from the exterior of the structure, a chorus of atmospheric exhalations.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|drop]]

My thoughts are not the same as my actions. I am not bad because I have bad thoughts. Only actions can be bad.\n\n[[Crush windpipe][$violence = "windpipe"]]\n\n[[Release|release_2]]

They're so close I can hear the breathing in their mask.\n\n[[Run|run_2]]

Something written on my wrist in <<replace "black marker.">>black marker. I need to keep moving.\n\n[[Check out|redirect][$dest = "6 hrs"]]<<endreplace>>

I feel safe in these fast food modules. The one place where no one cares who you are, what you look like. It was ok when the workers weren't paid enough to care, too tired to care, but now with the automation I am truly alone in my little booth between worlds soaking up grease.\n\nNowhere. [[No one.]]

The date is exactly right.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|information kiosk]]

The clinic counselor told me, think of yourself as a possessor inhabiting her own vessel.\n\nThe chaplain told me, hold your name like oxygen in your lungs. Exhale, knowing it will return to you.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|vial 2]]

They probably didn't clean it. I bet I'm getting all kinds of diseases. Is that something I [[care]] about?

[[6 hours ago|drop]]

They hit a key and a tine of my mind shatters into green dust.\n\nI think\n\n[[how well-animated the neural mapping software is]]\n\n[[what part of me was that?]]

My thoughts are not the same as my actions. I am not bad because I have bad thoughts. Only actions can be bad.\n\n[[Strangle them|Crush windpipe][$violence = "strangle"]]\n\n[[Release]]

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Black glyphs on fluorescent green tape. So I'd know, no matter what happened, the date this was sealed and if it was opened before it was supposed to be opened.\n\n[[Break tape|on][$tape = false]]\n\n[[Look at something else|on]]

Dark plastic that blinks and hurts things. I feel like I held one before the clinic. It felt good. Every time you expend it, it regenerates energy with a hum that warms your hand and tingles your spine.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|mask]]

Face full of [[static]]. Weapon in their hand building up a [[hum|weapon]].\n\n[[Listen]]

Opacity 80%, heavy kinetic water.\n\n[[{{{<<}}}|information kiosk]]

Chest heaving up and down. Water laps my feet, licks and nibbles.\n\nThe glowing figures extend their hands to me.\n\n[[Come back]]\n\n[[Leave this place]]

Warmth beats on my skin like I'm underwater. Everything sounds compressed. A [[tender vortex|cascade]] drags at my hair, something like kelp but softer, full of bones...

My [[friend|piercing]] got pierced too. I would go p2p with her and we would kiss and grope each other while shitty visualizations of our memories swirled together. Like fucking through a mood ring.

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[[Something|vial]] falls to the ground with a rattle.

<<if $reality is 2>>//Surfacing from the blackout inside the fast food place, sliding down the wall in a smear of blood. I see red handprints where I must have been trying to stay upright. Why try? I'm only going to end up here [[again]].//<<else>>//One of the people who was fighting is inside now. Like a character crawling from a viewing screen. They're bleeding everywhere. Their long tangled hair is matted red. My [[friend]] is laughing at something.//<<endif>>